Monday, 11 November 2013

Unspoken Pitfalls Lurking Within Our " Inter-People" Concepts

Just Try  to Like Him .......It  Ususally Woks 
Our entire lives are spent with people and in relationships. They dominate a major part of our living and our lives.Interactions with family,friends,work associates,clients,office collegues,neighbours,strangers,or any human being is clubbed under inter-people interaction.
It is worth examining how we move through our lives with people,how we deal with them,what we feel about them,how that affects us ,and our lives.

Overpowering Influence of People in Our Lives 

The way people touch our lives and influence our thought and outlook towards life,few other things do.We may say reading affects our lives equally strongly.Well,yes and no.Because reading touches us deeply,yet at the sensory-level only our eyes and minds are involved. But ornery people bring to us something far more profound, multi dimensional, multi sensory and lasting that leaves us with a different estimate of our surroundings and future.However we are not to discount the few diligent and intelligent folks who,by sheer dint of effort imbibe much from books and reading and books.For now we will stick to our focus ,that is people and what we end up doing with them.

 Gaining Value from Others

When we interact with people we need to be sure about what value we can gain by our interaction with them.Not an avaricious, greedy grab and run attitude of using and throwing people ;but an attitude of simultaneous humility and strength which urges us to find meaning in the most innocuous interaction with every one around us.By the way "interaction" also includes our conceptualisation ,our thoughts,our memories, and our expectations of others. That's because whenever we think of any one in any way we are actually interacting with them on the mental plane.The fact is that we can generate value for ourselves from our conceptualisations also.

The Pitfalls

That said ,it is very interesting to note where we usually falter in our approach to people, and interpersonal interaction with them.We often slip up in so many ways.This is how it pans out:-
  • Comparisons.Our all pervasive comparisons with people,which originate form our compulsive need to prove we're better than others,in some way or the other.
  • Impulsive Judgements.The impulse to inevitably search for what's not likeable about the other person.This is a deeply ingrained impulse,imbibed from our environment.
  •  Refrain From Credit to Others.The subtle manipulations of our stealthily dominant ego, disallows us from mentally conceding any credit to others.This could be anything varying from good looks,fine tastes, intellectual qualities,skills,accomplishments,physical attributes.
  • I Must Rule The World. Our tendency to always come out on top and the subtle yet strong urge to 'rule the world',materailly,intellectually or physically.
  • Lash Out Tendency.We are ruled by the undying need to always be applauded and acknowledged,which causes us to recoil instantly and also lash out when this approval is witheld for any reason.
  • Distorted View.The prism of old memories, through which we observe the present person before us, may be telling a false tale.We may believe we know where the other person is 'coming from',and how to interpret their motives.Yet we may not be in a position to accept the present truth if it has transcended the distorted concept of the past.
  •  Response to Missing Validation. Like kids ,there is a constant internal hunger within us that demands validation from others .We must be always understood,totally and unquestioningly.This hunger says that the onus of  understanding lies on others,not us.The insistence is they must understand us first.And  then,we may consider what they have to offer.Often, when this validation is missing, the result is resentment.
  • Vengeful Virus.There is the vengeance virus crawling under our skin,which wants us to pay back in the same coin,when we believe we have been repudiated.Sarcasm is the mildest form of this virus,and the full blown form is physical retribution.
  • Opinionated Judgement.Judging others based on a third person's opinion is quite a common pitfall.It only isolates us from reality.
  • Lack of Self Esteem.Lack of self esteem,self love,and confidence in our own  goodness, when interacting with others will usually result in coming away from that meeting with feelings of inadequacy,and subconsciously, planned avoidance for future.
  • Disdain for Other Types.We may harbor a strong preference for only people of our own types,since that makes life so convenient.The consequence of our percieved inconvenience is unjustified disdain for others who are not our types.
  • Hypersensitive Response.There are times when no one means harm to us yet we may feel we have been wronged,we have been denounced,and hence feel piqued.An oversensitive outlook is at the root of a lot of low self esteem,and interpersonal conflict.

That’s all for now my friends,its  over to you


Elle said...

Find the good in people is so so true Mona. If we would only look for the good in everything every day, people, our world, our relationships, our life...we'd probably be astonished at how much good there is.

Great post.

Mona n said...

Hi Elle,
That's rightly said.
We do need to spend more time in appreciating others because it exercises us.It exercises our emotional muscles.
It requires courage and guts to do so.

Poppy said...

It amazes me how many people share the "I hate people" sentiment. I pride myself on being a "people person"

Mona n said...

Thanks Poppy,
Welcome to my blog nad your insight.
It's great to meet a people's person.
And let me say any one who gets along with more people is blessed,and it's a mark of your leadership.