“When you
stop expecting people to be perfect, you can like them for who they are.”
Donald Miller
Donald Miller
We're Born To Exist Together |
Relationships are
important for human development.There is so much to learn and grow from a
relationship. They help you to evolve in every conceivable manner.No
wonder that even God Himself felt incomplete,alone.The Genesis tells us the
reason behind our existence,sociologists say man is a social animal. Why? Why
cant man live and grow alone?Why didn’t God create all of us on separate
planets ,one for each.Surely God had enough power to do that if he willed.
But
It didn’t happen
that way because there is a purposeful design for all of us to
be together in space and time.The design is to grow ,to
evolve,because of each other,and in some cases,despite each
other.Yet all along, there has always been a profound reasoning behind
co-existence.We ,as humans, evolve,grow,and achieve dizzying heights only when
we share a relatedness.It does not matter whether you know the other person or
not.You are human ,you exist simultaneously in space and time,that is all.
Period.
There are some attribute
wchich we attain only when there is relativity in our midst.When there is
relatedness,when there is a measure available to determine our
progress.What all can we achieve from our relationships?
1. Selflessness . we
experience selflessness only when we are related to each other.When we can
go out of our way ,when we can offer value to someone unasked
for,when we can go beyond our petty concerns ,we are selfless.That is possible
only when we co exist in relationships.A person living alone on “maroon
island” surely cannot be selfless.In relation to whom would he be
selfless?Even if he had the whole world’s wealth in his isolated existence to
last a life time,he would still be incapable of selflessness.We need to count
ourselves lucky for being able to reach out to others,and transcend
ourselves.The satisfaction derived from this one innocuous activity is
indescribable.
2. Inspire.People
tend to learn from each other,people grow when they observe another human
displaying qualities that they admire.People observe and emulate.Humans are
dynamic,and dynamism implies we continuously grow from our subtle
,unseen,doses of “absorption” off each other.That is the power of
relationships.You watch ,you grow,you evolve.Perhaps if you live in
seclusion,there is little to imbibe from a human standpoint.Its a different
matter, though ,that a Walden like existence has its own profound value.Yet the
growth of the individual soul,and collective civilisation,as such,pivots on
related existence.
3. Help. Pretty
evident that when you live alone there is little possibility of helpingsomeone,of being useful to someone.When you help some one or get help ,it’s the
same .You inevitably grow form this transaction.Every help rendered ,or
obtained leaves a trace of the exchange with the involved party.The silent
inner being registers a “give” or a “take”,each of which is a
divine program that gets installed for future retrieval and running.
Collective Responsibility |
5. Appreciate. When
you appreciate you make others feel better,you lend them a bit of
external validation.Your words,and actions matter to them at that
instant.Appreciation is such a marvelous human power that no other living
being possesses it,literally.You are unique in your capacity to
appreciate,to help light up some one’s life for a few
moments.To begin with, the act of appreciation is only a few moments long in
most cases,yet the after effects on the one receiving the appreciation are life
transforming. Again the benefits are ,in most cases,hidden,unseen.But
,boy!what matchless power you wield with your capacity to
appreciate.The power to brighten up someone,to validate someone,to uplift,to
encourage,to help grow ,and grow yourself.
It's A Win Win Being With Each Other |
6. Make The Other Win. In
relationships you can practice the altruistic urge to help the other guy win.
After all you don’t always need to compete,don’t always have to win by beating
out another.There certainly is a possibility to win by letting the other guy
also win at times.This is an offshoot of humility.It also indicates your
ability to grow,to go beyond your brute ,animal instinct of fight and flight .
7. Respect. Part
of existing together in relationships also involves having different
tastes,tendencies,cultural,personal ,psychological differences.Yet the ability
to stand apart from the apparent differences and still live in harmony is a
sublime attribute.You don’t need to follow others,and you don’t need to
repudiate them either to live peacefully together.One of the biggest indicators
of advanced cultures is the ability to respect each other.
8. Kindness. There
is a great possibility open before you to be
understanding,with the intention of helping,politely.Polite help is critical to
development of humility.Any one can be rude,arrogant,sarcastic,humiliating in
relation to another person who is incapable of paying you back in the same
coin.Yet it requires great wisdom and courage to treat the temporarily
underprivileged with a measure of politeness and understanding.It requires
insight to withhold the urge to be condescending and making the other person
feel obliged.
9. Empathy. when
some one is in pain,when some one is in dire need,in a soup
hurt,grieving,discouraged,overcome,dis balanced ,distraught it requires
some effort to lend a helping hand,besides the customary lip sympathy.That too
with a genuine and deep insight into the troubled one’s actual problems.Empathy
sets man apart from animals.And it elevates us for a long duration after it has
been rendered.
10. Care. Attending
to someone who needs you attention ,who is without succor,who requires your
presence.Most often attending to physical needs falls in the category of care
giving.Yet the definition extends to verbal,mental,psychological care
as well.When you attend to someone in pain you are essentially caring.
11. Love. Indisputably
,love is the basic emotion moving everything on our planet.Nothing spectacular
ever happens unless it is rooted in love ,nothing great gets done if it’s not
based in the depths of love.Every selfless action of mankind is a founded on
love; whether it is the concealed love for humanity behind a scientific
invention,or the love for providing profound insights to mankind through the
arts,or even the love for the country in the heart of a
grunting soldier.Love begets the greatest and the subtlest results.You and I
exist due to love physically and spiritually.
12. Humility. Humility is
the start point of greatness.No great one ever walked this planet who
was not truly humble.If he wasn't humble,he doesn't deserve
the accolades of greatness either.Humility is essentially a resolve to
facilitate human betterment,yet remain unaffected by the applause that follows
your outstanding performance.
Togetherness Heals |
13. Greatness You
become great in your own eyes,in reference to yourself when you realize that
you can overcome your own limitations.You increase your own value
,materially and spiritually,by your diligence,by your hard work.You succeed,you
bask in your well deserved sense of achievement. and yet remain committed to
better someone else's life.Through your material ,mental,or spiritual
achievements you help others, inspire others ,encourage others.This much,
or more automatically sets you apart from a tendency to vegetate in oblivion,even if
it is affluent oblivion.
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