Social Relationships Part II

Almost all of our sorrows spring out of our relations with other people.

-Arthur Schopenhauer

Get Along With Everyone

1.Can I stay calm and composed in social or professional dealings with others;especially in settings where sensitive/controversial/conflicting interests are involved?If not,what means can I devise to gain calm confidence in social dealings?Do I even consider this important?What do I stand to lose being calm,and pleasant in all social transactions?

2. Am I a constant judge of people?Do I spend the larger chunk of my time judging,categorizing,and building mental barricades against people;instead of encountering them openly,spontaneously?

3. Can I decide a certain threshold below which I will never stoop in terms of civility and politeness in social dealings?Do I use swear words and epithet ,just to prove my “toughness”,particularly because I need to project an image of sorts?

4. Do I maintain the self control and restraint to be considerate about others’ sentiments at all times?

5. Do I know that there is a cosmic law of cause and effect,also called the law of Karma?Do I know that all interpersonal transactions leave an invisible psychic impression on us,positive or negative,that operates the law of Karma?What I do to others(in thought,word,or action) inevitably comes back to me ?Am I aware that even what I think about others habitually comes back to influence me and my future relationships?

6.Am I polite and civil to so-called “insignificant” folk mostly;waiters,cabbies,janitors,working class etc? Or am I loud and boorish?Am I judgmental in deciding whether someone deserves assistance or help from me? Am I confident and strong enough to help others even when they may never have the potential to repay me?

7. According to profound truth all our relationships,and their tendency;positive,negative,or normal,is our own responsibility.There is something that we have surely done,in thought, word or action that  has culminated in this tendency.Am I willing to accept  responsibility for whatever is happening in my social relationships?Do I lack the understanding ,or the courage,to accept this responsibility?

8. Can I muster the strength,and wisdom  to witness  certain aspects of a relationship with detachment?Does everybody always have to agree with me, before I start liking them, or myself ?Can I have the creative  intelligence to constantly increase my sense of enjoyment and empowerment in relationships? Is it possible to rid myself of imaginary projections and fallacious fears about being short changed in relationships?

9.We invariably harbor expectations from others; material, monetary, physical, mental, and emotional. Can I interact with others without the colossal weight of expectations pressing on my mind?Can I drop the yearning for approval and appreciation from others;at least for some time?And can I extend it to longer duration?

10.We are social animals.Relationships inevitably facilitate our social evolution, and personal growth.Do I understand the importance of my social relationships in this context?Can I approach people,and all relationships objectively,as a medium of growth?Can I appreciate that all relationships are opportunities for personal growth? Can I be strong and soft simultaneously,and like and enjoy all people? What would that feel like?

11.Do I feel valued and confident only when others validate me through approval,acknowledgement,and praise?Can I build my own confidence,without relying on others’ approval for feeling good?Do I tend to feel resentful towards others about not approving, appreciating, understanding ,or agreeing with me?

12. This is for sure…we will all pass away one day.Assuming we all live very long lives;by the time of my departure, what kind a person do I want to feel I am? Wise, loving,kind, positive,happy,humourous,considerate?Or someone with traits I would dislike witnessing in anyone else?

13. What kind of memories of people do I usually tend to hold longer in my mind?Which memories about people recur to me more often than others?Pleasant ,positive ones;or “others”?Since no one from outside is tying us with a rope and “force-feeding” memories,who is responsible for what I frequently remember about people?What impact do my repetitive memories about people have on my life-fulfillment-index?Do I have the freedom and control over what I choose remember about people ,or not?

14.What do I lose doing a good turn for even those who are habitually unpleasant?Is it easy  for me to say “thanks”,  “sorry” ,or “please” to people even when I know they can do nothing significant for me?What does humility mean to me?What kind of signal does the term humility send to me in my deepest core?A signal of weakness, or of strength?What does that say about me?

15.Can I let go of past unpleasant stuff easily?Can I forgive completely in my relationships?Can I adhere to the principle of “keeping my heart soft and my mind tough”.How easy or difficult is it for me to accept the difference that all people inevitably present to my existence?Can I easily bring myself to look for the good,pleasant ,and noble in others,and appreciate it?Do I have the strength to openly appreciate others?

16.Am I more bothered about what others think of me ,than what I think of them?Can I always intend well for others?Can I habitually transmit  deliberate,silent good will for everybody I meet in life?What do I stand to lose doing that?What do I lack in taking this action;understanding?Or courage?

17.Dr Victor  Frankl(holocaust survivor) speaks about the importance of the gap between stimulus and response in all activity in life.The effect of this simple discipline is amazingly powerful and progressive .How can I exploit the benefit of the gap between stimulus and response in my interpersonal interactions?

18.In transactions between people karma always works to bring about balance.Negativity ,at some point,in some form, returns to the originator.So does positivity.Where do I stand in the origination of karma in my thought,word,or action where others are concerned?

19.Do I acknowledge, cherish,and  bless goodness in people in my life?Or instead of that,do I spend more time ruminating over unpleasant traits in people?Do I spend more time appreciating good traits in other people or do I usually attribute motives to their good deeds also?What kind of a person do I become,in either case?

20.Am I over reactive and touchy about peoples’ behavior?If I am overly touchy about people,and overreact to their words ,and actions who is responsible finally?A lot of our dealing with people is coloured by bias,prejudice and perception. Where I perceive negativity in interpersonal transactions can I practice under reacting ?Do I have the wisdom and strength to do so?

Over to you my friends..............