A Query Into Self Esteem

The important thing is this: to be able at any moment to sacrifice what we are for what we could become.

— Charles Du Bos, French critic

Personal fulfillment is centered largely in our self estimate,which also translates into our self esteem.Self esteem is, subtly, a byproduct of the constant conversations we have with ourselves ,about ourselves.Whether we realize it or not, sizeable  shaping of self esteem happens through our questions.

Here are some interesting questions we can ask ourselves about how we handle self esteem.

1.Am I aware about my level of self esteem?

2.Do I accept my constant feelings of low esteem?Or do I intend doing something about it?

3.Comparing self with others is unhealthy .Am I ware of my comparative tendencies?

4. Fulfillment is also gauged by personal care. Have I done something exclusively for myself lately,or do I postpone my own fulfillment forever?

5.Do I give more importance to others’ opinions than my own,and dismiss my own ideas in the process?Have I convinced myself that most of my ideas and opinions are unworthy of expression?

6.Have I even considered that there are some simple daily actions  I can initiate to increase my esteem?Have I taken any actions so far?

7. Have I selected inspiring role models among other people, or do I  just subsist on a diet of comparisons in quiet desperation?

8.Do I focus on counting my past victories,past successes,and accomplishments?Or do I only emphasise my slips ups, and criticize myself for them?

9.Do I enjoy success,accomplishment,or do I only enjoy immobilizing myself over my past and potential failures?

10.Have I made an effort to accept compliments gracefully,and gratefully?Or do I mumble a “deflection” by attributing success to luck,chance,coincidence,one- off-stuff etc.?

11.Do I consider myself worthy enough to give frank  compliments and praise to others?Or do I fear my appreciation will be mistaken for my inability,and/or they are not necessary for others?

12.Do I constantly yearn for others approval and appreciation in everything I say or do?

13.Do I  give up easily where even a bit of extra effort is involved?Do I consider myself incapable of accomplishing complex tasks?And do I also disguise this train as disinterest in challenging activities?

14.Do I Identify myself with a strong image,a worthy image,a capable image,a growth oriented image?Or do I let myself just flit passively from situation to situation?

15.Am I usually helping others out of compulsion, or out of genuine need to do so?

16.Am I lookingafter my body,and personality or am I spending my time on only criticizing my poor looks all the time?

17.Am I genuinely committed to enhancing my self esteem or do I just read about it in news paper columns,motivational books,and interesting videos, and then swiftly get back to feeling low all over again?

18.It is well documented that addition of skills invariably lends to the quality of your life, and your confidence.Have I added any new  skills to my repertoire of abilities?

19.There are a  lot of things I  can do to work out creative options for raising my confidence levels.Have done anything in that department yet?

20.Do I give myself the chance to express myself openly,and stop feeling vulnerable,snubbed and dismissed by “significant others”?

21.Do I stay calm mostly ,even under testing situations,or do I work myself up and  get irritated too quickly?Do I put up a show of emotions to attract importance?

22.Striving for excellence is a sign of growth.Yet striving for comparative excellence or perfection is a distressing endeavour. What am I usually doing;striving for perfection or excellence?

23.A toddler gets up and falls down more than once.Yet every time she is encouraged for her efforts.And so the child learns to walk,in due time.Do I encourage my own efforts or  dismiss them as futile candy-fluff?

24.Faith in self is the beginning of all future achievement.On a scale of 10 how much faith do I genuinely have in myself?

25.While living life,even in good faith, inevitable mistakes and errors are possible. Do I forgive myself for these errors?Or do I beat myself up endlessly,disregarding constructive action for future growth?

26.Am I worthy enough to completely accept self,warts and all?Or am I suffocating myself with my “perceived” shortcomings?

27.Being firm is not necessarily being rude,and belligerent.I can be firm yet civil.Still, am I afraid to be firm before others,anxious over their disapproving responses?

28.Do I routinely consider myself untalented, “not smart enough” deep inside?Who is to define what’s  “smart enough” for me?

29.Deep within, do I feel less attractive than I should?And does it bother me so much that it interferes with my functioning?

30.Am I constantly struggling with some bygone past issue ,or fretting about some unforeseen future “eventuality” which is playing out in my mind?

31.Have I resigned myself to an unfulfilled future?Am I cynical about  fulfillment in the future ?

32.Can I expect good,remember good,focus on the good ?

33.What are my passionate interests or hobbies that enthrall me and fulfill me?Have I invested time in my interests,and my hobbies?

34.Can I let go of compulsion to control?

35.Am I envious of the attention other people get?And do I subject myself to unnecessary comparative evaluation?

36.Do I impose 'should' and 'must' statements on everything that I have done in the past or will do in the future?

37. About myself do I only tend to see negative stuff and focus on that only?

38.What I feel or think may or may not be authentic or true.Particularly negative feelings and concepts.Am I mistaking all my feelings and thoughts for facts?

39.Do I feel that if I  have to improve myself,and develop myself, all the time then I’m imperfect, not worthy enough?

40. Can trust myself to use hopeful statements, and repeat  facts encouraging facts about my abilities and prospects in life?

Over to you my friends.........