Finally even if you actually did nothing on the material plane to wittingly or unwittingly tip the scales or upset the cart, just let it go. It’s the great Law of Karma at work surely.You must have done something in the past in this ,or another, life to extract the kind of behaviour that they did display toward you.Karma is a great leveller. So you can let it go at that .Forgiveness is divine
2.Make up your mind In situations of conflict and unnecessary standoffs it augurs well for at least one of the parties to have a clear head .Clarity is ultimately a function of benefiting every one around you.Be clear in you decision to make up with the other guy within a specified time. And the stick to it.It pays off to be well intentioned,because this intention surely benefits you and others also.
3.Stop Holding Grudges. The beginnings of unhappiness are founded on your tendency to brood,sulk,and indulge in a disturbing memory over and over again.It appears like a harmless activity.After all what are you doing that is hurting any one?You’re only thinking;thinking about the other guy,their mistake,the mistake they made in trespassing their limits ,in disturbing you and generating the conflict.You are only analysing how this could have been averted ,how it happened ,why with you, what you would do the next time it happens.Surely you would not give them a chance to get away easily-and on and on it goes.Soon there is a rising within you,of irritation,angst,and of inexplicable agitation ,of a subtle vengeance,of the desire to pay them back in the same coin.Now you are truly disturbed. You are nursing a grudge, and you are not even realising it.What good would it do you anyway.Ten years down the line you would certainly have cleanly forgotten the agitation and the angst .So what good is it now either?And really what good would it do you if you did avenge yourself?Would it land you a slot on the Guinness Book ?Or stop the other guy from disturbing you or others? Well the answer is only too evident.
4.Lighten up with humour Quite often tensions brew when there is a sense of foreboding ,sarcasm and unhappiness-all harbingers of mindless hurt and pain in personal relationships.The Good Book says”he that is of a merry heart hath a continual feast”.A bit of gaity and levity never hurt any one.It only enables you to transcend the atmosphere contributing to the needless tension.You instantly infuse a spirit of wellbeing when you joke,when you see the funny ,nutty side of life,when you blunt the scathing attacks of negative vibes with your shield of well meant humour.Even if you are well meaning your serious approach to situations is far better matched by a light hearted ,humourous attendance to life. Oscar Wilde once remarked “seriousness is the only refuge of the shallow”.It pays to be profound,to possess deep comprehension of human needs; nothing better than some humour to tweak the recipe for harmony.
5.Offer Truce first “Olive branch me? first? Hows that ever possible?”The other guy’s usually wrong, too wrong. And you’ve been too wronged .So where is the doubt left? Do I have to move first? Am I the weak one? What are the others going to think? Am I going to prove myself a sucker?
Now just back up a bit here.Are you really all that you have conjectured so long?Are you really going to land up in the Hall of Fame of the “weaklings” just because you first offered the olive branch? Is your identity, your standing amongst your peers ,decided by your snooty attitude?Is that what you want to be really remembered for? Surely you can examine better ways of making a mark on your little world.
6.Break Ice first. Do not hesitate to make the first move .It often pays to start a good deed first.hesitation in approaching someone in conflict ridden situations is mutual and reciprocal.It is not unusual to witness this “You first” syndrome taking over whenever making up with some one is concerned .We wait for the other guy to initiate the patch up. Sometimes we wait a lifetime.May sound theatrical but good,well meaning people have passed over while waiting for the other guy to take the first step.Ego,arrogance,vanity,pride, imitation of others’ behaviour,social conditioning,poor creativity in the moment of decision making, rigidity about the decision once made .All of these, and more,contribute to poor interpersonal transactions when tension ridden situations are involved.Its funny ,the great lengths to which folks will go in proving they are gutsy, courageous.We go bungee jumping ,skydiving ,on open door lion safaris, dangerous cliff &rock climbing, deep sea diving,shark hunting,physical stunts of unimaginable description-just to prove our courage to others or to ourselves.Doubtlessly these activities call for huge reserves of courage,yet anyone who participates in these gutsy adventures is supposedly capable of courage of all sorts.But how many of us who are gutsy are bold enough to make a first start in patch up.Perhaps this stuff sounds mushy,perhaps adolescent-and hence worthy of scoff.But honestly when you take a deeper peep within,you find that the truth is waiting eagerly to jump at you.So stop fooling yourself with exterior “gutsy-muscles” alone.
7.Remember LITSTBL .It is truly said that “life is too short to be little”( LITSTBL).In the innumerable experiences of life there are bound to be ups and downs. This happens in relationships also. In fact life is a series of experiences and relationships. Many people will enter and exit your life and along with them they will bring connected vibes-pleasant or unpleasant.Yet this does not detract us from the fact that life has countless good experiences to offer,countless pleasant relationships to offer,pleasant days to offers small gifts, charming smiles,pleasant whiffs, triumphs, celebrations, little and big victories and endless other lovable moments.Why ,then can we not reconcile with someone ,make peace with someone;just remembering that when there our life is too short even to love everyone we meet how can we afford to resent and dislike people we meet in our life?How can we afford to belittle life?
8.Offer help. What we don’t realise is is that people are constantly seeking assistance, seeking help,and finding ways of doing this faster.Everybody wants to do less and achieve more,and its absolutely justified because it’s the hallmark of efficiency-do less achieve more.The only catch here is how do you find a tool for conflict resolution,which assists your efforts in patching up fast. You’re foxed at times like these,when you know you have to do it ,but how?Just smile ,walk up to your friend and chat them up.And remember to keep your baggage aside when you do this .Just a as you need help,so do they.You can be the one to offer it-with just a smile.
9. Biblical Advice To Forgive.it needs no greater emphasis than what has been explicitly stated.Unlike automated machines which work on predictable electric or mechanical impulses,humans are continuously enveloped by a fluctuating cloud of subjectivity.This colours judgement and decision making .With a bit of detached examination you can find it easier to forgive the erring human who has shared even a moment of you lifetime.
10.Relate To The Moment of Conflict.Try to find out ,try to analyse why the conflict happened in the first place.Maybe there indeed was some thing that you missed noticing that precipitated the conflict. What this analysis does is to give you an insight into the mechanics of a circumstance and the possible outcomes with the same person.Give it a moment of thought,you really can empathise with someone much better in hindsight.So just relate yourself to the perceived provocation.Perhaps this will open the doorway for “softening” your heart.
11.Give Another Chance.For your sake just try giving a second chance to others who err. That way you give yourself also another chance .When you approach the conflict ridden situation situation you have an opportunity to take a look from another angle.Not only does it do a lot of good for your psycho spiritual well being ,it fires your creative neurons as well.Think out of the box at times,view your situation from an objective distance.Ask yourself what value can I bring to this moment,this relationship,even if it is moving through a low temporarily.Ideally relationships are most palatable when there are no fluctuations,but adapting to changes in relationships is in fact a sign of flexibility and youth.Its no secret that for most people,as they age ,their capacity to adapt to changes in relationships,changes in behaviour ,changes in their social circle,reduces considerably. Hence the tendency to stay with the familiar set of people,familiar set of responses to others’ behaviour.Now you have a chance to try out your novel responses.Its great exercise for your well being too.
12. Love yourself When you actually love yourself you’ll find you’re stronger too,you’re more confident,you can take risks and still not end up feeling battered by life experiences.Now patching up after a conflict is ridden with inherent risk.The risk of rejection ,of humiliation,of being humbled, of being judged as capitulating by peers,the risk of losing face ,of hurting your self esteem.So many risks and a a nebulous reward-if at all.So the path of least resistance ,of least effort is the best.Just dump it,just forget it ,why even bother about patching up,making up,what’s the use.Alibis,all alibis –fabricated by a mind fertile with a poor self esteem.On the surface that esteem might appear rock solid, but scratch the skin a bit and it stars showing its weak colour underneath.True esteem is tied to a deep liking,a deep love for yourself,and is not easily shaken by interpersonal transactions.Least of all by the possibility of anger and hurt .
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